Dorathea Arnault

Fire Emblem, WHAT I GOT!

First page "what I played", (Fire Emblem Three Houses Logo)

Second Page "What I expected" (paste everyone's faces over the poster for Harry Potter and the sorcere's stone)

WHAT I GOT!

Seiros army: FOR NARNIA!
Nemesis army: FOR SAURON!
(Battle, battle, battle)
Seiros: Tell me Nemesis do you remember the red canyon?!
Nemesis: Not particularl-OH GOD MY FACE!
Seiros: YOU TOOK EVERYTHING THAT I LOVED!

Sothis: Hey wake up you, wake up!
Byleth: Huh? Who are you?
Sothis: He messed with your head too huh?
Heya! It's me Imoen!
I'm the little voice in your head that tells you right from wrong.
Byleth: So my conscience?
Sothis: No stupid, the goddess!
Nope, I'm a cutie version of your Harry Potter scar telling you what Voldemort is thinking.
Well... I'm SOMEBODY'S consciousness? Does that count?
Byleth: You're worrying me overly skimpy loli waifu bait.
Sothis: Nevermind, I'm going to take a nap, go meet with... uh... what's his face... zzz...
Byleth: BUT YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WOKE ME UP IN THE FIRST PLA-Whooooa!

Jeralt: Hey... how's it going? You have that weird dream again?
Byleth: Who are you? Are you... Dumbledore?
Jeralt: I'm your father stupid :|
Byleth: Oh right! Okay... My father's not dead in this world. That's cool!
Jeralt: Yet... Man that dream always messes with your head kid. So let's-

*KNOCK KNOCK*

Edelgard: ALLOW US TO INTRODUCE OURSELVES!
Dimitri: We're neighbors
Claude: We moved in down the street!
Edelgard: Some say we're the most delightful bunch.
Dimitri: Of fellows nobles.
Claude: You'd ever like to meet!
Edelgard: And if you have a moment to spare, kind mercenary with beauty so... (Can't really tell if Byleth is a boy or girl) rare? We'd like to take a minute or two, on a topic of interest to yoooou.
Dimitri: Let me just cut to the chase. We're being attacked by bandits, would you mind lending us a hand?"
Edelgard: ...
Claude: ........
Edelgard and Claude: WAY TO RUIN THE MOMENT DIMITRI!

Bandit Boss: Yar... shiver me timbers, we be bandits!
Byleth: I thought pirates were supposed to say stuff like that :|
Bandit Boss: Yar, we be bandits! Now give us the waifu bait and let us stab the shit out of the others for fun!
Edelgard: This 'waifu' bait can kick your teeth in scum.
Byleth: *_* She really is waifu bait!
Jeralt: Down Byleth, we've got a battle to fight here.

2 minutes later

Bandit Boss: YAR! TIME TO DIE WAIFU BAIT!
Byleth: WAAAAAAIT! A WAIFU IS A TERRIBLE THING TO WA-

TIME STOP

Sothis: WHAT WERE YOU THINKING YOU MORON?! You can't just go charging in front of a swinging battle axe like some nutjob trying to convert people to the church of waifus!
Byleth: Look, I'm sort of busy loli waifu.
Sothis: BUSY GETTING YOUR HEAD CAVED IN!
Byleth: ... Well... okay you might be right...
Sothis: Ugh... you're hopeless. You're lucky I like you, and that we're sharing the same body.
Byleth: Why IS that?
Sothis: How the hell should I know?! 10 minutes ago I didn't even know your name or that we had the same birthday!
Byleth: S-Sorry T_T
Sothis: Oh stop being such a baby. Anyways, let's try that again, but this time try not to preach to the pirate/bandit and FIGHT!

Boop!

Bandit Boss: YAR! TIME TO DIE WAIFU BAIT!
PARRIED!!!
Byleth: A waifu, is a terrible thing to waste.
Edelgard Blushes! ... Edelgard Swoons!

Edelgard: My, my, you're so talented and strong! Would you please consider joining-
Dimitri: Bitch plz Begone Thot! Just a moment Edelgard! I too would like to get in on this seducing the mercenary action!
Claude: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Guys! Guys! Aren't you coming on a LITTLE strong here? I was thinking I'd try to win over the poor sap on the trip back to Hogwarts Garreg Mach! But since you're going this far... Wanna join the Alliance? (Finger guns)
Edelgard and Dimitri: STOP TRYING TO UNDERMINE US!

Sothis: My, My, it seems you get your choice of the three of them!
Byleth: Are you going to just chime in whenever you think it's-
Sothis: Amusing? Yes! <3
Byleth: Well... The "Empire" sounds pretty ominous, and quite likely is the most corrupt government... But Waifu bait has never steered me wrong before.
Byleth: The "Kingdom" sounds like your classic medieval... well kingdom, and Dimitri seems a bit too holier than thou about Edelgard.
Byleth: The "Alliance" sounds like it's the closest thing to a democracy we've got going on here, and Claude is pretty fabulous... maybe a bit too fabulous though?

All three: Please! Choose between us!
Byleth: Wait what? Already? But we just met! I know nothing about any of you yet!
Sothis: Oh stop being such a baby! If you regret the choice we can always reload turn back time!
Byleth: Umm... I guess I choose... Waifu bait?
Edelgard: You've made the right choice <3
Dimitri: Dood! Bros B4 (Rune factory 4 Shiny Hoe)
Claude: Forget it Dimitri. Edelgard's got tits, and you've got prince charming hair. I'd choose her too.
Edelgard: I'm right here you two!
Claude: Oh I'm sorry, would you prefer me to call them boobs? Or breasts? Is there a politically correct way to say this I'm missing here?
Dimitri: Claude... you bring shame to nobles everywhere.
Claude: I think I'll take that as a compliment. >:3

Alois: Alright everyone follow me!
Byleth: Who are you?
Alois: Why I'm the friendly neighborhood pun knight! I'm a pretty punny guy!
Byleth: ...
Alois: Get it? Funny? Punny?
Byleth: No I get it...
Alois: Hohoho! You've got that same captain Jeralt dry wit about you!
Byleth: You're a captain?
Jeralt: Don't get any ideas just because we fought bandits that talked like pirates.

HOGWARTS MUSIC PLAYS!

Seiros Rhea: Was it Sothis fate that brought you here?

Seiros Rhea: Greetings, I am Rhea, archbishop of the church of Seiros, and the headmaster of this school.
Byleth: Aren't you Seiros? From the battle of Narnia versus Sauron?
Rhea: ... wtf are you talking about? o_O AND HOW DO YOU KNOW MY SECRET IDENTITY!? Jeralt, is your child okay?
Jeralt: Sorry Lady Rhea... they get like this sometimes.
Jeralt whispering: Hey, KID!! Now is NOT the time to talk about that dream that messes you up all the time!
Sothis: Listen to your father stupid!
Byleth: Can't I just call you Seiros?
Rhea: No, that would be sacrelige against the church of Seiros.
Byleth: Wait... you made a religion based on... yourself?
Rhea: ... >:|
Byleth: ... Okay, okay, I get it... "Rhea" it is then.
Rhea: Very good. Now since that's settled, I'm going to go clean my scales err... bathe. Jeralt, would you please fill your child in on what I'd like them to do?

Jeralt: Well kid... this is where the game really begins.
Byleth: Wait, so what have we been doing up to this point?
Jeralt: Establishing the setting.
Byleth: Ohhhhh...
Jeralt: Anyways, they want you to be the new teacher here.
Byleth: ... But I never even went to school dad :| How am I supposed to teach?
Jeralt: Hey, don't look at me! It was Alois who recommended you!
Byleth: The PUN guy?! He has the authority to DO that?!
Seteth: Personally I was against the idea.
Byleth: GYAAAH! Who the hell are you?!
Seteth: The advisor to the arch-bishiop and someone who doesn't like or trust you.
Byleth: ... So... are you secretly the bad guy?
Seteth: ... Are you an imbicele? I just told you I'm the advisor to the archbishop and that I don't LIKE or TRUST you! You're not exactly helping your case!
Byleth: Right... I got it... you're the bad guy.
Jeralt and Seteth: :|
Hanneman: Sorry to inerrupt but I believe you mentioned a new teacher?
Manuella: But you never mentioned they were so big and strong~
Jeralt: Ahaha... no... you wish. THIS is your new professor. Good luck kid!
Jeralt flees the scene